: 12, 2026 11:40 pm : (!!Flirt!!^) i want to date an older man
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Article about i want to date an older man:
The main reason
based on my clinical experiences
is the reason adult dating is stressful is that you are meeting the person
and the person’s entire social history and memories. Wishful and magical thinking create the need to meet an emotional virgin
which does not exist
unless the date is beamed here frozen
in hibernation from age 10
or younger
from another planet. Everyone has a story to tell.
Everyone
and I mean everyone
by age 35 ‘has a story
’ (a bad outcome
abuse
trauma
bad luck) and people also change
so who was Mr. or Mrs. Right at age 20 is not Mr. or Mrs. Right at age 45. Yet
we all become set in our ways
so you second guess any new
older relationship
and that is fine
and perhaps you need to be alone
but that becomes lonely
as many singles in high rises discovered during COVID-19 wishing there was someone to talk with
or share an experience. In essence most everyone needs to be with something or someone
a so-called object relation
and if of sentimental value so much the better. In essence
on an older date you are like a therapist
but absent the training and ethical constraints
knowledge
experience and understanding of human relations
and if of quite different age––more than 15 years apart––have separate learning curves
acquired tastes
and codes of conduct from the ever-changing culture. This age discrepancy causing relationship problems is quite normal
and to be expected
but is painful if you are simply on different wavelengths through no fault of your own. Life and social norms are unfair. Generally speaking
across the planet
older man may court a younger female––within evolving limits
intestinal fortitude
and a legal retainer––but an older woman dating a younger man
no matter how open-minded is society still seems like a cultural taboo
or labeled in the pejorative: a cougar versus a lounge lizard. A cougar has a negative connotation. Here is a dirty little secret you already know: People really date for companionship disrupted by sex: from lust to limerick
but at the end of the day unless you have as much to talk about after sex as before sex the relationship of trust will lead nowhere
and what constitutes first base to a home run keeps changing. And many people are simply shy or introverted
or if artistic need space and solitude to think. For these reasons
many really nice people are alone: once burnt
twice shy. Once set in your ways
a new relationship may also disrupt the creative imagination in your field of choice given that you are now thinking about the other as much as your work interfering with flow
especially being so accessible in the Digital Age. Many great dates simply do not realize this flow factor for fear of losing their leading edge
or are willing to invest in the emotional time it requires to establish a new relationship. And then there is information overload
and disrespect. Many older people literally do one of those background checks on the prospective date ruining the mystery that should unfold like peeling an onion. If you know too much too soon it is awkward
and paranoid. In fact
in therapy I do not have a new client complete long forms. I want them to share with me in their own way
and timing what is important for me to know at their pace. This sharing patterning makes a therapeutic difference in assessment and outcome. THE BASICS. The Science of Mating Take our Are You a Good First Date? Find a therapist near me. Dating an older person can sometimes feel like a therapy session. Therapy is not a date. In therapy the rules are clear. I have no obligation to share my life––a blank slate. The therapeutic relationship is asymmetrical monetizing insight culminating in effective change. However on a date with an older person is like two therapists interacting deciding who is the client
and who is the patient. It is confusing
and in real life is labeled a control freak
or a person who does not listen. If you want someone to like you
have the other talk about themself whereby increasing intimacy based on social psychological research of how to relate and 'connect.' Every salesman knows this trick of the trade. Even if you seek to make sense of the other––but your own mixed feelings interfere––or may facilitate
great
you are always thinking why is this person here
what do they need
and what is my opportunity cost? The dating game is in the unraveling of each emotional life-history factor
but this unraveling is incoherent. The process is haphazard
and strained
and filtered through individual and dual memories. A dyad is formed. The psychological sophistication to make sense of it all inside any one date is enormous
and is why dating is confusing
and often later avoided or not worth the hassle. Mating Essential Reads. Here is the practical problem. If experience is interpretive
and memories fallible
these overlapping factors become a recipe for fate
and is why emotions are high in dating juggling hope
abandonment
jealousy
fear
acceptance
and denial making some first dates better than others. The odds of a second date are .25. It is obvious
or becomes obvious
that by a certain age a person is not a gift in a box whose contents you can unwrap pure and untarnished. Everyone you meet has a unique life history
with the dating game the disclosure of this past––whether true or not––but as told by the person to you. A high EQ
emotional intelligence
provides some advantages in these ambiguous social situations. The date exposes you to multiple interpretive versions of one life story. If your date has a dysfunctional past
or that is your sense
you then have to decide in real time to move on or not
and the other person has the same problems about you––if it is worth the effort to deal with this past
or to rehabilitate and nurse the (supposedly) damaged person back to interpersonal health. This makes the odds of a second date .25
or a “yes-yes.” Let’s meet again. However
keep this in mind. If in doubt about their mental health you are not their savior
or their therapist. If after the first or second meeting
if something smells fishy
don’t allow it to go on for longer than that. If you throw up your hands in frustration
or have a negative gut feeling do not feel guilty. You originally had no idea what you were getting into on the first date
but you gave it a shot––and why not––and now you know more than you wanted. In this case loyalty is less a virtue than naiveté. Life is too short to waste three months at a time engaged
enraged. A date is about the near future––a near future that may well never be the same again if the person disappears
or is disappointed or rejects you. This decision matrix is subjective making attraction irrational and illogical
but at the same time you cannot force someone to like you let alone love you. Once a lifestyle is established it is hard to change on a dime. It is impractical to think that after a first date magic happens
that the person suddenly drops their life suddenly available at your beck and call. This is especially true today when many people already have a life
are multitasking
are self-sufficient
are drawn to the shine of cyberspace
or have dropped out of the dating scene based on prior
ambiguous
negative experiences. Older people seek what does not exist: the emotional virgin. It is safe to say that people would secretly meet someone who is emotionally intact–an emotional virgin–who is not corrupted
tainted
or otherwise indelibly stained from a previously good relationship gone sour. Get over it. It isn’t going to happen. That person fails to exist. Yes
you would rather be the very first one
as if they have been alone on an island
or in a cave. And you wouldn’t mind if they crave you above all others
and once secured would orbit you forever
but even in physics is gravity
thermodynamics
and entropy to bring you back down to earth. No matter the roles we play
and the hats we wear
we are all social animals. A contented
older working relationship often boils down to change and happenstance that you even met–what are the odds–given all of life’s modern distractions
ideological chat rooms
and shiny technology more enriched and controllable than a human being with multiple operating systems. Older relationships are not rocket science
but they are harder.
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