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Article:
Some people will use a FWB relationship as a trial for future commitments or use them to transition out of an exclusive relationship. Other times
FWB relationships are merely used for serial hookups—all the sex with none of the emotions. But some types of FWB also include sincere friends who want to have sex and care about each other emotionally
but don’t want to be romantic or exclusive.
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Though there are many different motivations for starting FWB relationships
which are often viewed as easy
most are complicated. What makes FWB even more complex is that both partners may not view the relationship the same way or have the same goals. The way that casual sex is engaged in and talked about on college campuses has changed over the decades. College students are far more accepting of FWB relationships—and even though some people keep their FWB hush-hush
most are open with their friends about their relationship status. In a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior
109 college students reported on the rules in their FWB relationship. In this study
80 percent of the participants said that they explicitly talked to their FWB partner about rules. The rules varied dramatically
representing a shift in the way that people might handle their casual sex relationships. Yet some common themes emerged
including the six rules below. Six Common Rules for Friends with Benefits Relationships. Be honest. Be open and honest with your FWB partner. You must tell your partner if you “catch feelings
” for example. Being transparent about your expectations and feelings is paramount so that everyone is on the same page. If you have sex with someone else
you should tell your partner about it. If your intentions are to just have sex with no strings attached
make that clear from the beginning. Restrict your feelings. In other words
keep your feelings to yourself. For some FWB relationships
you should withhold your expectations and feelings. For example
some people believe that you shouldn’t get jealous
and if you do
don’t talk about it. Pet names are not allowed
nor is talking about a future relationship with your friends with benefits partner or anyone else. No cheating. Even though the stereotypical nature of a FWB is not exclusive
some participants in the study reported rules about being monogamous. Participants with this rule believe that even though you are not committed to each other romantically
you are not allowed to sleep with anyone else. What is unclear with this rule is whether it is to prevent sexually transmitted infections or whether it is related to feelings of jealousy
it may be both. You can sleep with other people. In complete contradiction to the previous rule
a subset of participants in the study said that they are allowed to have sex with other people outside of their FWB relationship. This rule aligns with the conventional perception of FWB where the relationship is casual and you are allowed to sleep with whomever you want—no strings attached
no consequences. Sex rules. This rule varied and is bound by contextual factors. For example
some people reported that you are only allowed to hook up after drinking
you must leave immediately after sex
and you shouldn’t sleep with different people on the same day. Other rules included things like no vaginal intercourse (only oral)
always using a condom
and no cuddling afterward. Relationship clarification. The last rule dictates that it should be made clear when you want to date someone else
if you’ve already started forming a relationship with someone else
and to clarify the casual nature of the relationship. Most people in the study wanted to make sure that everyone was on the same page regarding their intent for the relationship. Clearly
FWB relationships are not as simple as they appear. If you don’t know how your partner feels
or what they want from you or the relationship
it can make managing your friends with benefits relationship extremely tricky
if not impossible. Whatever your reasons are for starting a FWB relationship
your best bet is to be open with your partner. Let them know what you are looking for
and if anything changes
be transparent with them about it. After all
those changes might benefit the relationship in the long run. Facebook image: bbernard/Shutterstock. Why Relationships Matter Take our Relationship Satisfaction Test Find a therapist to strengthen relationships. Mongeau
P. A. Knight
K. Williams
J. Eden
J. & Shaw
C. (2013). Identifying and explicating variation among friends with benefits relationships. The Journal of Sex Research
50(1)
37-47. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2011.623797. Mongeau
P. A. van Raalte
L. J. Generous
M. A. & Bednarchik
L. A. (2019).
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